A guy interested in getting to know me calls me while I'm driving. First, who even said that was ok? He went on to talk about his day and all I could think about was “Man, I wish I could listen to some music right now, but I’m stuck on this call.”
This is a guy with a great career, tall, black, and handsome but I could not find it in me to be interested in what he was saying, and I realize that it has been happening a lot lately.
I noticed how hard it is to be vulnerable with a guy that genuinely wants to court me and make time for me. I am fast to find what will not workout for me and I would either tell them that or not even reach out at all. (I know I'm the worst) I know I want to start a family, husband, and kids but I lack faith in finding that anytime soon. My faith is strong in many areas but when it comes to my love life, I’ll probably need more than a mustard seed.
BUT I did realize that as soon as I meet a guy that is not emotionally available for me GIRLLLLLL I am tripping and stumbling.
Why are we attracted to emotionally unavailable people when we have other better options to choose from?
For me, I knew that no matter what happens things will go to shit. When I deal with an emotionally unavailable person I expect less from them, I know that they could hurt me, so I always have that in the back of my head and I'm comfortable with them because maybe I am emotionally unavailable as well? You know what will happen, you will get hurt or simply just move on.
But you don’t know that with the right person, you don’t know if it will work, if they’ll play you like a fool or if they’ll love you like you love them. Maybe they’ll love you more and do more for you. Maybe they are everything you ever wanted. But sometimes it is scarier to try than to risk it all.
“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
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