We all grieve in different ways. Some cry, some get angry, and some blog about it. I may not have experienced loss in the way of death. But I have experience the loss of unfulfilled dreams, loss of a job, loss of car, loss of people that I thought would always be by my side. This past month, I have experienced loss in different aspects of my life, and I sometimes wake up feeling defeated about it. I believe that my life is always in a constant upgrade, I am never in a place for too long before God takes me to the next level. The bad thing (in my eyes at least) is that everything always comes at a cost. I must lose greatly to gain abundantly. I can never sit and be comfortable at the place I have worked so hard to reach because there is always something coming to shake things up for me.
So, the questions that comes to mind is "Why bad things happen to good people?" "Is God really just?" and "is our definition of justice not the same one that our God uses?
I can sit here and list you all the things that make me a good person. The things I go out of my way to do and the things I go out of my way to NOT do. But after studying the book of Job (if you are not familiar with the story, I have attached a quick video at the bottom) I've realized that it does not matter how 'good' you are, bad things and I mean REALLY bad things can happen to you still.
Even though I consider myself good, I started making a list of things I was falling short on in my life. What was I not tending to within myself and have I been doing what God wanted me to do? My conclusion was that no, I have been falling short in my relationship with God and ultimately the relationship I have with myself. After I got the apartment I had prayed for I did not pray, after getting a new car I did not pray, after getting my dream job I did not pray. I did not stop doing the things He wanted me to stop, and I did not start doing the things He wanted me to do. So even though I knew I was not a bad person. I was not living my life the way he wanted me to, I was not using my time wisely, and instead I spent it on people that did not deserve it and wasting money and time on unnecessary things. So right now, I am tired of the constant rebuild just to get the tower knocked out again. But I have been here before, I am immune of the pain of this type of loss because I am mentally trained for it already and I also know that I have brought this wakeup call on myself. I will have to rebuild like I always do and do a system upgrade.
"It is not merely enough to have the ability to be persistent, you must also have the ability to start over" -John Fitzgerald
At the end, even though Job never got the answer to the big question; his wealth had doubled, and he had more than he ever did before. Letting us know that at the end we must trust Him. That the world we were given is not fair, and it is not capable of always giving us justice when we needed and "deserve" it the most. We just stay must faithful to the plan God has given us and know that no matter how much I can lose, I will never lose my faith that He will restore and renew me and my circumstances. Thank you, God. Amen.
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